The grass is brown, no matter which side of the fence you're on.

I'm having one of those mornings....kind of feels like sometimes every morning is "one of those" mornings. This is life, no? 

After I decided on a title for this post, I remembered that I had read an article from back in April that one of my friends posted on Facebook  (I think it was my friend from over at the Percolating Petals blog but I am not certain of that). It was written by Fr. Robert Barron and the perspective that he gives is a really good one no matter what your vocation or state in life. He discusses in the article how those in the priesthood idealize married life and vice versa. He writes of his idealized vision of marriage: 

"I thought of how nice it would be to be wrapped up in my imaginary wife’s arms, being protected from the rough and cold world outside. I thought about how great it would be to live with a best friend, and the possibility of creating new life together. I thought about growing old with a woman who promised to love me unconditionally all the days of her life. And then I would sigh and feel sorry for myself."

A fellow priest informed him that the grass is brown on both side of the fence.

 "In other words, whatever vocation you are called to, the cross is there."

 

That is pretty profound to me. I had almost decided to write a post today about what I will call "teenager envy." This is a condition specific to mothers with small children who have a certain envy of mothers with teenagers (and older children in general). 

 

The five year old has lately decided that the night is perilous and fraught with terror and thusly refuses to fall asleep if I am not there with her. Then there is the waking up at 1:30 am and 6 am. You would think that it would be the 5 month old waking me up, but this would not be true. 

So my teenager envy comes from two ideas: firstly, teenagers sleep, a lot, and sleep in on weekends like normal people - they are not under the impression that they will be "missing out on something" should they fall asleep. They have no desire to be in your bed with you (hopefully) for any reason. 

secondly, privacy is back on the table. Your teenager does not want to accompany you on your trips to the little mommy's room. And when they need to use the facilities, they can do so by themselves, without assistance or creating additional mess. 

But then I have to snap back to reality, because I coach teenagers and I have friends with teenagers. 

They're moody, they don't want to spend time with you, you are some form of insignificant life who is not worthy of their attention and your sole function in their life is to be a kill-joy. I realize this is not all teenagers but I'm not going to idealize them too much either. 

Parenting is hard, marriage is hard, the single life is hard, the priesthood is hard, being a cloistered nun (I'm sure) is hard - though that is the other lifestyle I idealize more than I should. 

Whatever vocation you choose, the cross is there. 

The grass is brown on both sides of the ever-loving fence. Nobody is free from their own cross. My cross is not theirs and theirs is not mine. I've been given grace to carry my cross specifically and there are many days I know I would fail miserably without it. 

Something else I read recently speaks to that, though. We're supposed to fail. No one does things perfectly and we're imperfect creatures. So I'm letting go of the rosy glasses and the idea the someone out there has it so much better than I do somehow. 

We all have crosses. I just need to remember that, carry mine and soldier on.