7 ACTUAL ways for moms to recharge and destress

**New blog, first post. Let me preface this by saying that for sometime I have wanted to write a regular blog and I felt like to get this endeavor underway that my old blog and I were going to have to break up. Don't worry I'll write it a nice "Dear blog" letter or something. Anyhow, I'm hoping this new blog will be part-stress relief, part actually writing (it was after all my major in college) and part sharing the insanity that is my family for those who care to read about it. So, if you are reading this, thank you, you will shortly be receiving what I have to share of my snarky everyday existence with four crazy children***

So, without further ado.....

7 ACTUAL ways for Moms to re-charge and de-stress

 I will preface this by saying I don't actually know the woman who wrote her "tips" for moms on this website and some people may find her suggestions actually helpful but I am not one of those people. I wrote a reaction to her tips on a Facebook post and enjoyed doing it so much that I just wanted to blog again. I thought it might be entertaining (and theraputic - it's all about the therapy) to write my own "tips" for moms to destress which are based in a more firmly grounded reality. Here is my offering to you:

Tip #1: Coffee - copious amounts of coffee. The poor woman who was responsible for the original tip list didn't even bring up coffee until tip #3 (poor deluded woman). I used to observe the rule of one cup per child but my last pregnancy killed my desire for coffee (I know it was tragic) so I'm back up to half speed - two cups per day (four children = four cups, okay all on the same page). The corollary to this is beer.  I asked a woman of my acquaintance who had two sets of  fraternal twins approximately 18 months apart how she did it - her reply: "Beer. Lots of beer." Let us bask in this wisdom.

 

Tip #2:  Make it a point every day to avoid reality if at all possible. This can be accomplished by using your imagination - a vital coping mechanism for the mom on the go. For instance, if the two year old is screaming at you in a furious tantrum, you can imagine yourself on a quiet beach with a cocktail in hand. The furious screams can be factored in as merely the cries of an annoying seagull. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tip #3: Reflect on the things that did not go wrong or get destroyed today. Be thankful for those things! If you can't think of anything that did not go wrong or did not get destroyed, revert to tip #2 and imagine how someone else's day did not go wrong and things did not get destroyed then imagine that person is you. Reflecting on these things means that you may still be sane once you are an empty nester. Also, watch an episode or two of Hoarders, you might feel better.

Tip #4: By all means, stretch, but not in the car for the love of all that is good. Work out, knit, crochet, make those decorative dog whistles that you saw on Pinterest but do not attempt any form of sanity in the car with children. Unless those children are sleeping children or have been lulled into a hypnotic trance by the in car dvd system. If none of this is effective, scream, preferably into a pillow, but I'm not going to judge you if you don't use a pillow. 

 

Tip #5:  Sing! A lot! Often and off key! In the shower! In the park! At the grocery store! Especially "Jingle Bells" off-season. This is your cry for help and someone will come and realize that you have lost your mind and will hopefully take pity on you. If you get committed then you will have ample opportunity to recharge and destress from the safety of your straightjacket. 

 

 

 

Feel better yet?? We're almost done de-stressing!!

Tip #6: Our dear, well-meaning psychologist friend recommends 20-30 minutes of "quiet time" during the day. I suppose she implies that this quiet time should be accomplished in sequential minutes. My recommendation for getting at least a small portion of this quiet time is to lock the bathroom door. But....but...you say...that will not create quiet time, that will cause my child and/or children to whine and/or scream outside of the door until I allow them in. This is where tips #2 and #5 come into play. Once the door is locked, you can imagine yourself at a spa where you are able to relax and if the screams bother you too much just sing at the top of your lungs until the children suspect that something really might be wrong with Mommy and they leave you alone. 

 

Tip #7: Wherein our dear psychologist friend tells us to pamper ourselves with fancy things that we neither have nor can afford. Go ahead and pamper yourself. Hide those things you don't want the children to ruin in your sock drawer (this is currently the home of my Kindle since my children normally have very little interest in my socks). Then use your imagination (see what an important tool this is?!) to envision how someday your house will be clean and your couches won't be covered in a protective coating of chocolate milk residue. Buy the nice coffee so it'll taste a little bit better when you drink it lukewarm. Go nuts! No, really, go nuts and then others will "pamper" you back into sanity. 

 

Well, we're out of tips! Are you stress free?? NO?  Well, you have children, and if I had all of the answers I wouldn't have been Googling "how to destress when you have children" and then I would never have come across the lovely piece of psychology fiction and then where would we be? Lost in that horrible motherhood maze without any idea who moved our cheese. 

If anyone wants me I'll be sipping my nearly cold coffee and humming.