Real Mother's Day - Let's be Honest with Each Other

Disclaimer: Not actually my kid.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. According to the History channel - this holiday was originally created by one Ann Reeves Jarvis "in order to teach women proper child-care techniques and sanitation methods." Sounds like a Hallmark Card to me! Jarvis's daugher, Anna, was actually the one responsible for the propagation of the day but never intended it to become commercialized. She actually fought against it becoming a "Hallmark holiday" and died broke and in a sanitarium. Happy Mother's Day!

Like many "holidays" that card purveyors and retailers like to helpfully "remind" us of on a yearly basis (because what else is going on in May that we would need flowers and cards for - honestly), Mother's Day is one of those days that, for me, never lives up to any kind of expectation that I might have. Usually I keep these feelings and sensibilities under wraps and feel silly that I have some kind of secret entitlement to  special treatment and pampering on a day that is arbitrary at best. I try to tamp down any creeping expectations that suddenly possess me and remind myself that I shouldn't need an isolated day to be "honored" for being a mother.

But let's be honest....being a mom is hard work much of the time and if we're given a reason to hope for some appreciation, then I, for one, welcome the occasion. But real Mother's Day is invariably imperfect. Little people don't realize or care that it is Mother's Day. They will still need diaper changes, they will probably fight/argue/not share with their siblings and even if you remind them that "All Mommy really wants is for one day that you would not scream/fight/argue/mess or ask for milk/juice/liquid one more time" - they will still do and ask for all of those things and you will still probably be the one who will change the diaper, get the juice, and break up the fight. So we need to let go of those (maybe artificially) created expectations that somehow our kids are going to change dramatically for one day and be perfect angels who are perfectly dressed and behaved and will be thoughtful and gracious. They may have moments of those qualities but it will (most likely) not be perfect - like most of life - and it just has to be something we're ok with.

My kids brought me their school-created projects home yesterday and despite the fact that I told them that Mother's Day is Sunday and did they want to wait to give me presents - they insisted that I open them immediately. My daughter insisted that she go so far as to unwrap my present - "because I like to unwrap things, Mommy." Both my husband and I reminded her that it wasn't exactly kosher to unwrap someone else's present, but she proceeded anyway. As expected, the unwrapping produced a crafty picture frame of daughter looking like she's up to something. Eldest son's present involved a drawing on a cd that I can now adhere to my fridge and has a handy clothespin glued onto it for me to "clip" things to. But 3 yo and 13 month old will probably let the day pass unremarked upon unless they are coached by the older ones or the husband to say "Happy Mother's Day" which will mean about as much to them as "Happy Dinosaurs are Landing in a Shiny Silver Spaceship Day!" - he actually might be more impressed/excited by the dinosaurs.

So moms of littles who might be reading this - someday they will get bigger - they will make cute and artsy/crafty picture frames or cds that you can stick on your fridge. They will grow into some kind of understanding that they appreciate mom. They may still unwrap your present for you - but they will have a present. Just also remember that this is not a spontaneous outpouring of appreciation but a school-generated project - most often by teachers who are mothers and understand that it's nice for our kids to do something for us and gosh we need something to do at school it's spring and these kids are bouncing off the desks - arts and crafts to the rescue!! (I appreciate those teachers for my perfunctory gifts no matter what the motivation).

So happy real Mother's Day! I wish you a day of instruction in child-rearing and sanitation - which actually is not a bad actualization of the day. Odds are you will spend the day instructing your children, learning additional child-rearing skills and sanitizing something.

Mother's Day for most of us is probably going to look and feel much less like this picture:

And a whole lot more like this one. :)
















So hooray for Mother's Day! Discard your visualizations of brunch, breakfast in bed and pampering that should in reality be able to happen on any old day and embrace the reality that it's probably going to be a pretty ordinary Sunday - except your husband may convince your children to be *slightly* more charming and well-behaved. Primarily I'm going to allow myself to ignore the dishes and laundry for a day.